So, you see 3 glorious years ago I was lumbered with being taught French because that was school policy. All was fairly good at the start of term, awesome teacher and I was in top set, yikes. By the end of the autumn term we were told that our teacher was leaving, damnit, he informed us that his replacement was Mrs Wigwam, or was that Mrs Wigram, who gives a toss.
We returned for the first french lesson after Christmas break to find some short, chain smoker, cow with a non existant fuse she was just permanently pissed off. I seem to remember one of my friends suggesting we give her time to … err get worse?
Anyhow french being such a sisyphean task that my brain barely (or less so than normal) functioned during these lesson, this resulted me to produce some really odd quotes. I must admit some sound rather dodgey outside of the context, which I cannot remember, and others were just twisted with a large amount of poetic license. Here they are verbatim from the covers of my mates french book.
Tibet is in Quebec
If it sounds foreign, it’s correct.
Quiche = omelette in a pie.
Why do they put French in a French exam?
If I went to France, I would have to speak France.
Why must they speak France in French?
Don’t give me any ideas
– Referring to his oral with WigramDave’s sword is almost as big as Dave, and Dave’s bed, so Dave is longer than his bed.
I once ate a banana over two weeks.
Once you’ve found him, you’ve found him.
Move your chair dave, I need some room to spread my legs.
Move up dave, I’m wrapped up in your legs.
I had sex with my cousin the other day.
I licked the outside, it tasted like strawberry, I sucked out the middle, it tasted different.
I’m like a banana I bend both ways.
-
Me: I want to go the castle
Friend: well go then
- While Wigram is writing on the board –
Was that writing there 10 mins ago?
I bend words, and eat my own cheese, because cheese is fun.
Whats this? Its all hard.
My cheese is humorous and plastic.
I get implants from Silicon Valley, but that’s beside the point.
My cheese is Grey.
I like eating my cheese yogurt.
So there you have it 
